Quest for the Golden Cheese
by RogueWarrior869
Summary: Nanaki a.k.a Red 13 and Sephiroth go on a quest for golden cheese.Naturally expect oocness. It is a random humor fic.It's rating comes from some light language.


Disclaimer.

I don't own FF7. If i did i would somethings would be quite different..

Authors Note:

This was co-written by DavidGX.

DavidGX started this whole idea.

Check out gamer score here.

http/live. for the Golden Cheese.

It was a peaceful night at Tifa's Bar.

Cloud was off after he received a tip that Sephiroth

was hiding out at the Gold Saucer.

Barret went with him in case it was true.

They were less than convinced.

Vincent had disappeared to who knows where but

said he would see them at their designated location.

Nanaki better known as Red XIII

was watching Yuffie play a video-game

on her Xbox360.

Cid was visiting Shera in Rocket Town.

Tifa was serving some drinks while Marlene made

some more.

They all decided to meet up at Costa Del Sol

in a few days.,

Aerith and Kenny came in and ordered a drink.

"Hey Tifa."

"Oh hey Aerith."

Else where in the world a man was saying the word Internets

over and over and was driving the people mad so a mysterious gunman

with a unique three shooter and black hair had

shot him shouting that he sucked and left.

Nanaki was getting bored just watching and doing nothing so

he decided to start traveling on his own.

And hoping to fulfill his **secret longing wish** to be a

great dancer.

He went up the lift and walked over to where Tifa was.

Random Drunk Guy.

"I must've hic had hic too many drinks.

cuz theres a hic red Dog Cat hic thing over there.

I'm Leaving."

Random Drunk Guy left but the people were too busy being drunk to really care.

So Random Drunk Guy stumbled out of the bar.

Back to our show.

Tifa **wished** him well and good luck.

Nanaki assured her he would be fine.

So with he set off on his. own

He stepped out and saw a guy with light around him.

Nanaki thought the guy to be magic of course what Tifa didn't

know was that he tasted one of those drinks she made.

The still drunk guy decided to share his

knowledge of the magical cheese with the curious looking

creature.

"Hey..Cat...Dog...Thing.

Lemme tell you a secret."

So being curious and still not in a complete frame of mind

he wandered up to the guy and sat down.

"Did you know that theres a magical cheese."

The guy was swaying a little bit.

Nanaki shook his head.

"No."

"Well thenhic strange creature lemme hic

tell you about the all powerful cheese."

He was listening to the drunk man.

"Now a long time ago

some magical people named

Swiss,Cheddar and Mozzarella.

They were the only ones good enough to

seal away the cheese so it hic would fall into the

hands of someone who might try and use it's delicious

cheesy goodness for evil.

They say the goddess Velveeta

watches over the cheese to keep it safe."

"Incredible."

"Since hic i like you friend i will give

you a map of where to go."

He conveniently passed out afterward.

So Nanaki decides to go after the legendary cheese.

Unknowing to them someone in a black cloak steps out of the shadows

and smiled an evil smile.

"If this cheese is so powerful...i shall get it

for myself and rule the universe."

He laughed an eerie laugh while raising his hands into the air.

But Drunk guy muttered for him to shut-up and

Cloak man sent him flying.

Really fast and far.

Within 24 hrs drunk guy would awaken

and find travel stickers on him and be in a hotel room.

Now back to the story.

"Hm all i should have to do is have

that creature do the work for me."

So off into the night they each went.

The next morning.

Nanaki tilted is head to the side thinking he saw someone,

But Cloak-man cleverly hid behind a tree.

Of course his sword stuck out to the right,

It's kinda hard to hide a long sword like that.

"I know your following me!"

"No I'm not!"

"You must be if your answering me."

"Nuh uh."

This went back and forth for a few minutes.

Then Nanaki got an idea.

"Fine then if your not following me I'm leaving."

So he went and walked for awhile until they were in a clearing and there was nowhere to hide.

Then he turned around and his face fell at what he saw.

There was Sephiroth following him.

"What the hell!"

"You will lead me to the all mighty cheese."

"Why the hell would i do that?"

"Because I'm stronger than you.

And because i said so."

"Forget it."

"Wait. Why don't we split the cheese when it gets found."

"Hmm..Okay."

So Sephiroth and Nanaki set off together in the quest for cheese.

While they were walking.

"So why do you want the cheese?"

"Have my **wish** for the power obviously."

"What will you do with all the power you might get."

"Rule the universe."

"Ahh."

"What about you."

"I will have my **secret wish** to be a great dancer granted."

Sephiroth sweatdropped.

"A dancer.?"

"Yes. Then i could have gone to that DDR tournament with

Cloud and Barret. They said they were looking for you

because of a rumor,But i doubt that they

bought it."

So they continued on a little further.

"Do you know which way we are going.?"

"Nope. I can't read that stupid map.

Curse the lack of thumbs."

Sephiroth put his face in his hands .

and took the map from Nanaki who had it in a pouch on

his left.

"Lets see. We need to go the cavern near the chocobo

barn to get an item there."

A little while later they found themselves face-to-face with

a giant snake.

Fortunately for them both the snake recognized

Sephiroth and slithered away.

Once inside the cavern Nanaki used his firetail

to light up their surroundings a little bit.

They walked over to a dead-end wall in the cave.

Sephiroth fumed.

"Hey.This is a dead end."

Just then Vincent popped up.

"Is that you Vincent?"

"Yes it is i, The wise one."

"Oh well what are you doing here?"

Nanaki tilted his head to the side for the effect.

"To help you on your quest!"

"Oh.Okay."

"To solve the dead-end clue you must

River-dance with no shoes."

"What the hell does that even mean?"

Sephiroth heard some noise behind him and there

were a mix of monsters in tights and dresses.

Vincent had already disappeared.

Out of nowhere a stage appeared and they had

the look of river-dancers and the music started playing

"Jenova kill me now."

No such luck for him though.

He and Nanaki performed a wonderful river-dance routine though.

So for their performance they received a key.

Vincent appeared again.

"Quiet a good show really."

"Yeah Yeah."

Sephiroth was anything but thrilled.

"Anyway. Since you have received the key

of the goddess of Velveeta you may go to her temple

now."

"Let me guess you are going to take us there."

"That is correct good sir."

"Umm...Ooookaay."

In an instant they were at the temple gates

of the goddess Velveeta.

"Well which one of you has the key."

"I do."

Nanaki stepped forward to put the key in but

it got knocked away by the evil Limburger cheese.

Which smells incredibly bad by the way.

Sephiroth produced the legendary golden

Spork of power.

Limburger saw it and proceeded to run but Sephiroth

easily caught up to him and stabbed him with

the magical Spork and the evil Limburger exploded

making smelly bits of cheese go everywhere.

"Now where were we."

He proceeded to put away his Spork.

"Riight."

Nanaki finished putting in the key and the gates opened.

And a female came over holding a **candle.**

She greeted them and led them to the main room.

Along the way Aerith appeared out of nowhere and **tripped**

on a random **seashell **and fell over a ledge.

"Hmm when i get home i need to wash my dishes."

Considering his sentence and what had happened

he concluded that this was a very random day.

At the center of the main room was a

chunk of floating cheese. It spoke.

"Who dare enter my room."

"They do sir. They each have a **wish **to be judged."

"You cat-dog creature. Step forward."

So he did.

"What is your **wish?"**

"I want to be a great dancer."

"But don't you see young one,

You already danced an amazing performance at the cavern."

Nanaki's eyes lit up with realization.

Sephiroth figured something out that could be way more fun.

Even though he still **wished** for power it was obvious that the cheese

wouldn't give it to him so.

"Step forward man of long silver hair."

He stepped forward.

Nanaki and Vincent seemed to catch on when Sephiroth

gave them each a quick glance.

"What is your **wish?"**

"For you to shut-up."

The cheese said nothing.

In an instant Sephiroth swiped the cheese and Vincent got them out

of there.

Velveeta was puzzled than opened a cabinet full of jars of talking cheese

and replaced the one that was took.

Vincent took them to Costa Del Sol where everyone was

waiting.

Sephiroth used his Masamune and cut the cheese into pieces.

Nanaki spotted Cloud sneaking what appeared to be a trophy

into his room.

So after everyone was at the Beach Sephiroth decided to make his departure.

He had given some of the cheese to Nanaki who at the moment was

sharing it with the others.

So everyone was sitting at the Beach watching a

**sunset on the water** and eating cheese.

Later that night they went in and all got on Xbox Live on their Xbox360's

and played Perfect Dark Zero and had a fun time.

Some names they came across seemed familiar somehow.

Elsewhere the Turks were enjoying their day off.

Playing the same thing as the others.

Nanaki and Barret contented themselves to Checkers and a few

other board games.

Their names you ask.

DemonDude--Vincent.

GreatNinja--Yuffie.

Cloud9--Cloud.

Kickassgirl--Tifa.

HighWind--Cid.

RedRocks--Reno.

BigMouth--Elena.

DrinkTime--Tseng.

BaldDude--Rude.

SilverMasamune--Sephiroth.

Sephiroth gets a name too.:b.

So concludes their magical random adventure.

Finished 07/31/2006.


End file.
